Heard on the Hill: Flow It, Show It

Posted November 29, 2011 at 6:15pm

There are a great many mustachioed men milling about the Capitol complex, so in honor of this — the last day of Movember — we at HOH have compiled a guide to the best Congressional lip warmers.

Without further ado, and with some help from the American Mustache Institute’s mustache style guide, here are the most memorable ’staches of the 112th Congress:

Sen. John Hoeven (R-N.D.) has the distinction of not only having the Best Senatorial ’Stache since ex-Sen. Roland Burris’ (D-Ill.) facial poetry, but he can boast the only actively growing mouth hat in the chamber. Hoeven’s mustache has been grown and groomed in the Chevron style. The Chevron does not apologize for what it is. His is a proud mustache.

The trio of New York Democratic Reps. Charlie Rangel, Eliot Engel and José Serrano bring home the prize for the state with the hairiest lawmaker lips. Rangel sports a classic Painter’s Brush, while Engel’s is somewhere between a Painter’s Brush and a Groucho. Serrano, on the other hand, struts the unapologetic Chevron.

Maryland Reps. Roscoe Bartlett (R ) and Elijah Cummings (D) are quite the mid-Atlantic facial hair pair. Roscoe’s ’stache is a pure white number called the Lampshade, while Cummings’ ’stache is, well, the Cummings: a respectable Painter’s Brush with a teeny bit of a Soul Patch accent. 

For our money, however, the best mustache grown and groomed on the Hill belongs to Rep. George Miller (D-Calif.). His walrus lip sweater is the John Lennon of Congressional facial hair. Goo goo g’joob. Goo goo g’joob.