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Heard on the Hill: Come on Down to ‘South Park’

Last week the website BuzzFeed released its list of GOP presidential candidates as characters from “The Simpsons.” This week HOH is seeing its list and raising it a list of our own: Members of Congress as “South Park” characters.

(World: You are very welcome. Members and staffers: We joke because we love, or please email us directly with complaints.)

1. House Majority Leader Eric Cantor would be Craig Tucker because he would be sooooo happy if he could just tell Members of Congress and the White House how he feels about them … and we think he must secretly flip off lots of people.

2. House Assistant Minority Leader James Clyburn (D-S.C.) would be Chef, mainly because Clyburn and Isaac Hayes are voice twins. Don’t believe us? Google it.

3. If only we could just swap out the dialogue between Eric Cartman and Dr. Nelson for some of the more choice repartee between Reps. Barney Frank (D-Mass.) and Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.). These two have gone toe to toe on the floor of the House chamber just like Cartman and Nelson, and the image makes us laugh. 

4. With all the loquacious Members we have in Congress, who would be the Capitol’s Kenny? That’s easy, kids. It’s the Senate’s “gang of six.” Why? Because the group dies every time Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) drops out.

5. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) and Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) are heretofore represented by the characters Randy and Sharon Marsh because Randy is generally fighting for some cause and Sharon, well, Sharon is always just a bit disappointed. 

6. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) is our Leopold “Butters” Stotch because he seems like a generally nice person who could nonetheless unleash chaos into the world if given the chance. … Also we bet he loves Bennigan’s.

7. Graham’s good buddy and former GOP presidential candidate Sen. John McCain (Ariz.) is clearly grandpa Marvin Marsh because he’s got a lot of grit, gumption and pepper, especially when it comes to sticking it to the young upstart hobbits.

8. Finally, on any given day, the trio of bros, GOP Reps. Louie Gohmert (Texas), Steve King (Iowa) and Ted Poe (Texas), pop over to the floor of the House to give their best Sheila Broflovski impression via a special order speech. For which we thank them with a “What, what, WHAT?”

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