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Heard on the Hill: Loving Paul Ryan in Rhyme

Several of Rep. Paul Ryan’s super fans got together Monday to raise cash for the Wisconsin Republican and to pay tribute to him through verse.

The event, called the 2nd Cheesiest Fundraiser Ever, was held at an undisclosed American Legion hall and was pegged as a reunion of Ryan fanatics. The invitation named former Sen. and current Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback (R) and conservative pundit Bill Bennett as honorary hosts, but the real zeal was from the 21 other hosts who have loved Ryan since 1997 and paid $1,000 each to prove it.

Their devotion was also expressed through a poem about the Budget Committee chairman. The ode, which appeared on the invitation, is not an example of high art. It may not even qualify as an ode. Nonetheless, we can all agree that whatever the poet lacks in talent is more than made up for by the work’s tender regard for Ryan.

Ode to Paul Ryan

Today we call him “Mr. Chairman,”
But we knew Paul long before C-SPAN. [A bit of a brag here, really.]
From ’95 as Brownback’s L.D. [One does learn a thing or two about Ryan, which is a bonus.]
To now being mentioned as possible V.P. [The couplet rhyming scheme already begins to break down.]

In ’98 when Mark Neumann ran
Against Russ Feingold, Paul started to plan
He asked us, “Do you think I should run?”
“Of course,” we said. “It will be so much fun.”

You’ve exceeded all our wildest dreams
So we put together this reunion scheme [original Ryan gangstas, since 1997]
September 12th at The American Legion
With Blame it on Jane [probably a band?] — the best in the region [the cleanest line (and rhyme) in the poem]

We will host the “The 2nd Cheesiest Fundraiser” [But what was the first?!]
No suits required, not even a blazer [You probably still needed to wear clothes. Unless this was a naked poetry jam/fundraiser?]
But this time we’re charging ten times more
$250 at the door. [It was a $2,500 contribution for “host” political action committees and $1,000 for individual hosts. Let’s be real, Ryan’s love is not cheap.]

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