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Brackets for Non-Ballers

March Madness is officially here! Which means office productivity around the country is expected to plummet, probably to around standard Congressional levels, as college hoops transfix the eyes of the nation.

Mind you, we are typically all for gambling-friendly time sucks.  But what if prognosticating basketball championships doesn’t fall within your statistical wheelhouse? Fear not, entertainment-starved public servants! HOH has just the bracket diversion for you:

Political Junkies

Foreign Policy has once again carved up the globe for its “Democrats Vs. Dictators” showdown. Reigning champ President Barack Obama faces off against France’s Nicolas Sarkozy in Round 1, with Russian strongman and 2011 runner-up Vladimir Putin locking horns with Ukrainian head Viktor Yanukovych.

Bird Watchers

Esquire has organized another totally tasteless, clearly sexist gallery of 64 women in contention for “Hottest Woman of 2012.” We normally wouldn’t pay any mind to this exercise in objectifying the fairer sex, but we noticed a few political ladies in play. Wanna-be FLOTUS Callista Gingrich is up against media-mogul-marrying Wendi Murdoch, Sports Illustrated cover girl and Congressional niece Kate Upton mixes it up with fellow model Christine Teigen and talking heads Rachel Maddow (MSNBC) and Megyn Kelly (Fox News) brawl for it all.


MTV News stokes the fires of fandom with its “Musical March Madness” competition. The lineup includes politically gripped performers: Mumford & Sons (played at Wednesday night’s state dinner)  battle F*cked Up, Bruce Springsteen (BIG Obama supporter) rocks out against Radiohead, while Kid Rock (formally endorsed GOP presidential hopeful Mitt Romney) rages against Chevelle.

Food Lovers

Garden and Gun is making our mouths water with “The Ultimate Southern Food Bracket.” The categories are broken up by regional specialties, including barbecue, lowcountry, classics and Cajun/Creole, and they include items such as pulled pork (vinegar or non?), grits (campaign-trail pandering) and Brunswick Stew (its official birthplace remains a bone of contention between Virginia and neighboring North Carolina).

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