Perhaps this isn’t the best time to bring this up, considering the memories of the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner are fresh in our minds, but here goes.

Do you find yourself at one of the myriad Capitol Hill happy hours drinking to excess? Do wish you felt more mature?

Well, the Department of Health and Human Services has something to say to you! The agency sent out a bulletin today that suggests people who don’t drink like they were still in college may feel more mature then those who do.

A researcher from the University of Missouri — with a wonderfully appropriate name — Rachel Winograd explains that heavy drinkers in their mid-20s feel way more mature than those still getting sauced in their late 20s and early 30s. She calls these folks “Peter Pan” drinkers.

Just to make us feel even more terrible, she explains: “By age 29 or 30, when most of your peers have settled down and you’re still drinking heavily, you may start to view yourself as a sort of Peter Pan of partying, who never fully matured.”

Thanks for the tip, HHS. Now if you will excuse us, the weekend nears, as does Neverland, the Lost Boys and maybe even some pixie dust.