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Government: It’s (Not) the End of the World as We Know It

Like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention before them, NASA and the General Services Administration are trying to assure the public that the world is not coming to an end.

Last June, the CDC assured Americans that, regardless of its tongue-in-cheek zombie preparedness literature, the agency had no reason to believe that there was a virus that would infect humans to make them undead and crave human brains.

Last month, NASA provided the public similar assurances that the world will not end Dec. 21, as some believe. Rather, Dec. 21 will mark just another winter solstice.

In what may be the greatest example of literary exasperation of our generation, NASA scientists patiently explain on the site that the planet Nibiru doesn’t exist and how “[j]ust as the calendar you have on your kitchen wall does not cease to exist after December 31, the Mayan calendar does not cease to exist on December 21, 2012.”

“Our planet has been getting along just fine for more than 4 billion years,” the scientists write. “[A]nd credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012.”

Earlier this week, GSA’s website also insisted that the end of the world is not upon us.

“The world will not end on December 21, 2012, or any day in 2012,” the website insists. “Unfortunately, these rumors have many people frightened, especially children. NASA has received thousands of letters [from those] concerned about the end of the world.”

Planetary astronomer and senior NASA scientist David Morrison tells “At least once a week I get a message from a young person — as young as 11 — who says they are ill and/or contemplating suicide because of the coming doomsday.”

So, for the sake of the children, relax. The government says so. What could go wrong?

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