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Pandora’s Box of Vices Mysteriously Delivered to Our Desk

Midmorning Thursday, a package arrived addressed to the female portion of the Heard on the Hill team.

(Courtesy Neda Semnani)

The package had no return address, but inside, nestled among red, curly package fillers was an assortment of treasures, including a 24-ounce can of malt liquor, a pack of cigarettes, a tin of chewing tobacco, a pack of Magnum condoms, some porn, an energy drink and, of course, a chocolate bar.

In lieu of a card, we received a “Santa’s Naughty List,” which includes members the anonymous group says accepted money from the National Association of Convenience Stores.

The bipartisan list of lawmakers called out on the list includes Sens. Richard J. Durbin, D-Ill., and Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga., as well as Reps. Peter Welch, D-Vt.; Bill Shuster, R-Pa.; and John Conyers Jr., D-Mich.

What do all these lawmakers have in common? They are part of the bipartisan group of lawmakers who have worked with groups such as NACS to stop credit card “swipe fees.” 

“It’s a pretty cheap stunt not to put your name on it,” says Lyle Beckwith, a NACS spokesman. “But they didn’t ruin my day.”

“I just hope they bought everything with cash, not credit cards,” he continued.

Durbin’s office seemed to raise an eyebrow at our query but declined to comment on the box of vice.

We are currently calling all the groups we can think of who might have given HOH this fun little care package. Do contact us if you have any information about this box of cheap sin or if you want to call dibs on any of the items — they’re likely to go fast!

Stay tuned for more details on this developing story.

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