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Cleaver Sticks Things Together on the Floor

Rep. Emanuel Cleaver II, D-Mo., is a man of many metaphors, colorful stories and head-scratching parables. His storytelling acumen is sometimes reserved solely for his fellow members in the form of his “Dear Colleague” letters, but other times he lets loose on the floor.

On New Year’s Day, as the country swerved around the fiscal cliff, Cleaver waxed on the tale of the Patriotic Glue.

“I don’t particularly like the bill that is going to come to the floor, but I am going to vote for it,” he said. “And the reason is stumbling through one of those Dollar General stores looking for some last-minute gifts, I stumbled across a section that had Gorilla Glue and Magic Stick’em Glue.”

Go on, sir.

“I thought, boy, if I can get some of this stuff, first I would glue the top of the kitchen trash can so my wife’s puppy won’t continue to go in it.”

Go on.

“And then I thought, well, I’ll use some of this glue to impress people that I can actually fix things.”

We were starting to feel lost, but confident that Cleaver will find us.

“Then I thought, maybe I can do it when I’m performing marriages: Instead of saying ‘until death do us part,’ say ‘until the glue wears out.’”

Still there.

“Then I thought, wouldn’t it be great if we could glue ourselves to each other across the aisle. I mean, after all, it is only if we are sticking together that we’re going to be able to address the problems that face this country.”

There it is.

“The truth of the matter is we already have some glue. One Nation Under God — patriotic glue. We’re supposed to work together, to stick together. Without us coming to the point where we really understand ‘E pluribus unum’ — out of many, one — this body, for the lack of glue, will not do the business of this country.”

This is definitely catchier than Starbucks’ “Coming Together” coffee cup campaign.

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