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How to Survive the SOTU: The Ultimate Guide

With President Barack Obama set to take over the public airwaves in just a few short hours, now might be a good time to figure out how best to entertain yourself tonight. We’ve pulled together options for five major constituencies:

SOTU for the Cynics

SOTU Bingo card

SOTU Bingo card

SOTU for the Disenfranchised

DC statehood cupcake
(Courtesy Metrocurean)

Got a District tat or jean jacket patch you’re insanely proud of? Join Stand Up! for Democracy in DC as they gather round the electronic hearth and listen hard for POTUS to float District statehood as a second-term priority.

SOTU for the Frat Boys

SOTU drinking game
(Courtesy Cloture Club)

The merrymakers at Cloture Club know listening to people talk can be tiresome. So they’ve incentivized hanging on Obama’s every word by urging everyone to knock one (or three) back at preordained times. Whether you try and chug for as long as Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee, D-Texas, clings to “44” or pound a cold one during any electrical grid failures, our confidence is high you’ll be blacking out before the end of the night.

SOTU for the Snackers

Star and Shamrock sandwich
(Courtesy Hungry in DC)

Star and Shamrock Tavern & Deli will have the big guy on the TV during primetime. But, more importantly, they’ve also got pastrami. Swing by earlier (3 p.m.-7 p.m.) to take advantage of happy hour specials on food ($2.50 cups of matzo ball soup) and drink ($1 off Miller Lite and rails, $2.50 Genesee Cream Ales, $5 house wines).

SOTU for the Totally Disinterested

Samuel L. Jackson
(Courtesy Evan Sheline)

If you’ve had it with these motherf****** speeches in this motherf****** town (!), why not unplug from politics altogether and enjoy a free screening of “Snakes on a Plane”? Ping Pong Dim Sum in Dupont is showing the cult comedy (?) in its private dining room at 8 p.m. to celebrate the Chinese Year of the Snake.

Patrons can also indulge in snacks ($6-$7) ranging from chili-covered tuna skewers to caramelized custard-filled tarts flanked by ice cream. The featured cocktail is the snake venom ($11), a concoction of rum, peach schnapps, guava juice, jasmine iced tea, peach puree and vanilla sugar.

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