The nation’s capital has fallen victim to a lobbying campaign that has, at least so far, produced plenty of paranoia but little of actual substance — save for a smart alec Twitter feed.

For days now, winter lovers have hung on the every cautionary word spewed by radar-tracking meteorologists, who all warned the area to expect to slog through inches — nay, a foot! — of powdery precipitation.

Pre-emptive school and office closings went into effect even though the streets are black as pitch and the current accumulation wouldn’t overflow your average snow cone.

Not that that’s stopped @Snowquester from talking mad smack.

Taunting POTUS: He can’t stop me. RT @ron_fournier Breaking: Sources say #Obama to stop #Snowquester with a Jedi mind melt.

Celebrating counterproductivity: I barely dropped any snow on D.C., but I bet your office/school is closed. You’re welcome. #Snowquester

Managing expectations: @AliceSpeck You can go puddle jumping though! My snow will be picking up, so you should be sledding by day’s end. #Snowquester

If you ask us, it’s all just a snow job.