The White House "We the People" page has gotten a lot of attention for a spate of secession petitions, wherein a majority of the United States of America has demanded to be left alone and be just a group of states America used to know. Of all the states petitioning for independence, a big congratulation goes to Texas as the only one that has gotten well more than the necessary 25,000 online signatures to actually have its petition considered by the White House. The petition boasted more than 80,071 signatures, as of Tuesday at 4:20 EST (heh). The secession petitions have given rise to others, transforming the "We the People" page from a place where citizens can lobby their president and a site where a dying 8-year-old girl could at least try to get the president to come see her into something more akin to Mad magazine. Stay classy, America. Here are your best petitions yet: Make Duncan Trussell the Emperor Of Planet Earth "We petition the Obama administration to construct an iron throne made of meteorites and incinerated pope penises upon which the new emperor of planet earth Duncan Trussell can reign supreme. "Attached to the throne should be a surgical straw connected to an endless quantity of fresh fetal stem cells upon which our Lord may suckle as the people of the world petition him for mercy or offer him their children and livestock." (more…)
