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What’s Eating Jason Chaffetz?

Rep. Jason Chaffetz suffered a rude awakening Sunday, when his lunch plans were foiled by a pair of tightly shuttered doors.

“I’d been dreaming of my We, The Pizza slice of buffalo chicken pizza and dessert of choice, fries from Good Stuff,” the Utah Republican told HOH.

Although he makes his way to cheflebrity Spike Mendelsohn’s burgertorium with some regularity — “Nightly is the goal,” Chaffetz said — the House member had never wandered by on a Sunday, the only day of the week the burgeoning chainlet does not crank out any comestibles.

His next stop? Five Guys, where Chaffetz found himself staring down a well-appointed bacon cheese dog. “That’s the hidden gem of Five Guys,” he said of the unheralded encased meat selection.

But man cannot live on red meat alone.

Per Chaffetz, his standard lunch is something along the lines of a Slim Fast shake and plain hot dog. “I like a balanced approach,” he quipped.

And savory appears to be a stronger draw than the sugary. “I’m not keen on chocolate, but I do like all things fried,” Chaffetz said of his affinity for oil-drenched fare. His indulgence of choice: GSE fries with a side of chipotle mayo.

Luckily, he now has a back-up plan should a fry jonze hit on the high holy day.

“That’s where I’ll be taking my business on Sundays,” Chaffetz said, tapping Five Guys as his Sabbath go-to. And while he loves Five Guys’ Cajun-spiced spuds, Chaffetz has issues with both with their beef (“They usually undercook their burgers,” he opined) and beverage options.

“It still bugs me that they don’t sell shakes,” he said of the dairy-free drink zone.

If he does slurp down a frosty, ice cream-filled sweet, it’s usually at the behest of fellow GSE fan Sen. Jeff Flake, R-Ariz. Asked just how often do these bicameral sipping sessions come together, Chaffetz suggested it’s a ballooning habit.

“Look at his [Flake’s] gut. We’ve been doing this on a regular basis,” Chaffetz said.

When he’s not chasing down burgers and fries, you might find him at another booming grab-and-go outlet: Potbelly Sandwich Shop. His standing order there is a Skinny T-K-Y (that’s a trimmed down turkey breast with Swiss for you Potbelly rookies).

Just don’t get him started on the dearth of Fourth Meal options surrounding the Capitol complex.

“I ache for Taco Bell,” Chaffetz told HOH, adding that he has been known to mow through a couple of bean burritos — “Sour cream, no onions,” he specified — in his day. “That usually hits the spot,” Chaffetz shared.

A hardcore conservative, we suspect he’s never even considered going left out of the Capitol, which would, of course, lead him to the Taco Bell in the Union Station food court.

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