Suzan DelBene Dumps on Her Failed Flick

Posted July 16, 2013 at 1:43pm

Cleaning up at the cineplex, by all accounts, takes hard work, talent, perfect timing and perhaps just a little bit of luck. Based on her characterization of an independent film she co-financed, Rep. Suzan DelBene, D-Wash., appears to have come up terribly short in several of those departments.

(Courtesy Facebook)
(Courtesy Facebook)

Dumping Lisa

The project does not appear to have panned out.

“Dumping Lisa was an investment we made in a motion picture that as of last year was declared worthless,” DelBene alerted congressional bean counters.

The movie, which is currently streaming on both Netflix and Amazon, tracks the misadventures of two cash-strapped slackers forced to help a feckless mark ditch his ultra-clingy, longtime girlfriend.

With the integrity of their homegrown business on the line (don’t ask), Team “Booty Boot” takes spineless Jerry Skinner under its wing and divulges the five rules of dumping:

  • Always take the blame: “Just tell her you’re wrong and she’s right. End of story.”
  • Lie with impunity: “Honesty has no place in a dump.”
  • Apologize over and over: “Tell her you’re sorry for s— you didn’t even do.”
  • Take the bullet: “Admit you’re a scumbag … sacrificing yourself because you love her.”
  • The break must be clean: “Remember, there’s no going back.”

One online cheerleader seems convinced the flick just needs to find the right audience.

“If ‘Dumping Lisa’ gets some exposure with the college to twenty-something crowd, we could be talking Cult Classic!” Da Indie Critic predicts.

Other viewers have been far less charitable.

“I can’t imagine how anyone would put his money into such a thing. It’s actually much easier to throw them out the window,” a dissatisfied Romanian reviewer wrote.

The ill-fated project was spearheaded by award-winning television producer John Oliver, who evidently got a wild hair to try his luck on the big screen with some help from screenwriting buddy Rich Docherty.

So what possessed DelBene to fork over one slim dime to the otherwise untested filmmakers?

“It was his directorial debut. And it was her trying to be a good sister,” a DelBene aide told HOH of the family connection to Oliver. Those with the fortitude to make it through the opening credits will see Oliver’s name splashed all over the place — although a “John DelBene” is cited as an executive producer.

No word on if the sibs have talked things out since the picture tanked, but DelBene appears to have learned her lesson.

“She doesn’t have any other movie projects in the works,” Team DelBene asserted.