ROCKLAND, Maine – It may be a small town, but Rockland’s got a lot going for it.  

The Maine Lobster Festival drives droves of shellfish lovers to the shores of the Penobscot Bay each August, the plastic bib-draped masses assembling to honor (and devour) the region’s claim to fame.  

Bumping into newsmakers is evidently not uncommon. One New Yorker, who relocated to the area with his wife after their youngest flew the coop, said he catches sight of Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. from time to time in neighboring St. George.  

“He’s totally normal up here. Doesn’t like anyone to call him judge,” the Empire State expat said of his dealings with the summering Supreme Courter.  

Natives, it would seem, have very specific tastes when it comes to conducting their day-to-day affairs.  

Core concerns include keeping:  

Activities al fresco (topless freecycling, anyone?)  

Commercialism pithy (We *heart* puns, too.)  

Crustaceans prepared every which way  (a lobstah in every pot)  

Motor coaches well preserved (crazy cool whips, yo)  

Art ubiquitous (the colors, man)  

Maritime artifacts revered (Cannon to the left of them)  

Sweets extra sugary (pina colada muffins = booze for breakfast)  

Reading materials vintage  

Or sometimes hot off the presses  

And, of course, paying tribute to loved ones  

Which, in the case of the Rockland Harbormaster, means saluting the BoSox and the almighty dollar ahead of the good ol’ stars and stripes.  

Keep on keepin’ on, Rocklanders.  

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