There’s a new children’s book tentatively set for release in the coming weeks. Here are some things you will find in it:
A schoolroom bookshelf with titles like “Arkancide 101,” “Vince Foster” and “Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself.”
A reporter named Chuck Toddie wearing a Pravda tag.
A dashing president in a suit and red cape named Donaldus Magnus.
So you know what you’re getting here. The book, “Help! Mom! The Swamp is in my School!” is basically a picture book version of Donald Trump’s Twitter feed. Is Senator Pocahontas in there? You know she is. An appearance by Congressman Schifty is not enough, he’s depicted with an actual pencil for a neck. The author is Katharine DeBrecht, a pen name for a 50-year-old mother of three from South Carolina. It is illustrated by Al Goodwyn.
DeBrecht says the book is a warning on the dangers of socialism. “I was kind of floored by some of the polls with 70% of millennials saying they’d vote for socialists,” she says. “And yet a lot of times when you ask them what socialism is, they really can’t describe it.”
So describe it, she tries. In the book, two grade-schoolers, Tommy and Lou, do extra work to have bake sales every Friday to raise money for school supplies. For reasons left unexplained, thinly disguised Democrats like Speaker Queenosie, who wears a tiara, show up at the school and sow jealousy by pointing out that one class — the one that worked a little harder — bought a TV. Things quickly spin out of control from there.
Mostly, the plot is an excuse to introduce and mock a parade of Democratic contenders for president, numerous members of Congress and players in the impeachment saga. “No malarkey, I told Mr. Churchill to tear down that darn wall!” exclaims Senator Buyme at one point. Eventually Donaldus Magnus shows up and promises to build a wall around the school to keep others from stealing school supplies. The book ends with Senator Clunkton being taken away in handcuffs.
This is the fifth “Help! Mom!” book. Past volumes have included “There are Liberals Under My Bed!” which detailed two brothers’ attempts to run a lemonade stand and “The 9th Circuit Nabbed the Nativity!” DeBrecht says the book, which sells for $19.95 and is available for pre-order, is for those aged 1 to 92.
She says she hopes the book “gives a laugh” to people “instead of getting so angry,” though the narrative seems geared toward hardcore Trump fans who probably don’t need much convincing. She acknowledges that liberals are unlikely to be big fans of the book. “The left is just so easily offended now.”
When asked whether she believes the conspiracy theory that the Clintons had something to do with the death of Foster, a deputy White House counsel who committed suicide in 1993, she says, “I don’t know that for sure. I just think there’s a lot of weird things that have gone on with the Clintons. I’m not accusing them of anything.”