If the Democrats want to win back America: Don’t put a Replacements fan on the ticket.

America doesn’t want The Replacements. America doesn’t deserve The Replacements. America made that quite clear on the 1980s and 1990s charts and again in the 2016 and 2024 presidential elections.

Before we go any further: I love The Replacements. They’re one of the best bands of the 1980s and 1990s. They have the best SNL musical segment. There are few bands or artists I’d rather listen to at any time. Their lyrics are potent and their music is perfectly sloppy. Listening to The Replacements in 2024 is not an exercise in nostalgia. At the worst of times, they’re a reminder to fight against the idiots that don’t understand. At the best of times, well, there are no best of times for The Replacements.

Hillary Clinton’s vice president was going to be Tim Kaine. The senator from Virginia was and is a Replacements fan. This garnered a few headlines in 2016. I was excited to have a guy whose favorite album was reported to be “Let It Be.” “Let It Be” by The Replacements. Well, Esquire said it was his favorite album in 2016. But it’s not. Tim Kaine said it’s one of his favorite records. It’s a fantastic record. If anyone truly understands songs like “I WIll Dare,” “Favorite Thing” and “Androgynous,” they’re most likely self-aware and care deeply about others. But that’s not what America wants. And once again, it’s not Tim Kaine’s favorite Mats’ record. 

Tim Kaine’s favorite Replacements record is the correct Replacements’ record: “Tim.” The senator from Virginia made this clear on Twitter/X in 2024.

The Replacements’ major label debut, 1985’s “Tim,” is only slightly better than “Let It Be,” which means it’s a perfect record. Ask anyone who’s closed down a bar, whether as a customer, bartender, cleaning crew, musician, whatever, if they truly felt “Here Comes a Regular” in the early a.m. and they’re probably a fan for life. For slightly less depressing tunes, there’s “Hold My Life,” “Kiss Me on the Bus” and “Bastards of Young.” I said slightly less depressing. This album is so angry and it swings. It should be issued with every jukebox. It is everything non-music nerds think Springsteen is.

Kamala Harris’ vice president was going to be Tim Walz. The governor from Minnesota was and is a Replacements fan. This garnered a few headlines in 2024. I was excited to have a guy who genuinely loves the greats from his home state. He happily name-dropped Prince, Hüsker Dü and The Replacements as well as Minnesota record shop Electric Fetus. In 2023 Walz was even gifted a new reissue of “Tim” by fellow music-lover-too-good-for-America Beto O’Rourke.

The Democrats learned nothing from 2016 and will probably learn nothing from 2024. You don’t win votes with the Mats. You won’t win anything if you love the Mats. You might be able to headline Riot Fest, but you’ll never be the biggest name on a Lollapalooza bill. The music nerds will love you, but love doesn’t pay the bills. 

America does not want The Replacements. I want The Replacements. I want every single person to feel “Here Comes a Regular” while they hold back the tears over the futility of it all. In a place where everybody wants to be special, America does not actually want anyone special. Americans want the guy that “sang” at the Republican National Convention in 2024. Americans made it clear they prefer someone who croons “Bawitdaba, da-bang, da-bang, diggy-diggy-diggy, said the boogie, said up jump the boogie” and shoots at beer cans. It’s a lot easier to dismiss alcoholism and live in denial when you’re not forced to look at yourself in the musical mirror.