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Heard on the Hill: The Sexiest Coupon Ever

Correction Appended

Dennis Hof, the proprietor of Nevada’s famed Moonlight BunnyRanch brothel, thinks Sen. John Ensign’s highly publicized affair was completely unnecessary.

[IMGCAP(1)]The Nevada Republican, after all, represents the BunnyRanch (which is completely legal, by the way). Why bother hooking up with a campaign staffer when, as a constituent, Hof would have happily set up confidential, um, services for the Senator?

And in fact, he would have done the same for former Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho), Sen. David Vitter (R-La.) and South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford.

“These are the world’s biggest morons,— Hof told HOH. “We’re right in their backyard, and all they have to do is call me up personally, and guess what? I’ll take care of them. We can sneak them in the back.—

In the spirit of helping politicians in need of sex, Hof announced on Monday that he’s sending “Good Time Party Passes— to every Senator, Representative and governor, allowing them to come to the ranch and have, well, a good time.

The passes are all-inclusive, good for a free limo ride from the airport, free all-you-can-drink cocktails and lunch with the BunnyRanch, um, bunnies. And then … well …

“It’s good to have a good time in the room, whatever that is to them, whether that’s a massage, whether it’s oral, whether it’s intercourse,— Hof elaborated.

Hof told HOH his goal is to save political wives the trauma of enduring a sex scandal. Not that Hof is promoting monogamy; he just wants politicians to be a bit smarter about their marital indiscretions.

And Hof guaranteed to HOH that some of the passes will be used, since politicians are known patrons of the BunnyRanch.

Hof recalled that when he attended the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner in 2008, he spotted several BunnyRanch patrons in the tuxedo-clad crowd.

“The customers were just terrified,— he said, laughing. “But I didn’t even say hello to any of them.—

Star Power. Grammy-nominated artist Sheila E. had a surefire way to prepare for her testimony today before the Senate Judiciary Committee. Although it sounds kind of dangerous.

“I’m going to go into a room … with about 25 people, and they’re going to throw books at me,— she joked to HOH on Monday afternoon.

In all seriousness, the singer (real name: Sheila Escovedo) is scheduled to testify today in favor of the Performance Rights Act, which would compensate artists when their songs are played on the radio.

“I think it’s only fair to be compensated for the work that we’ve done,— she said of the bill. “We put our heart and soul into these songs. It’s like a child being born.—

Today will be Escovedo’s first time testifying on Capitol Hill, and she described the anticipation as both nerve-racking and exciting. “It feels like I’m getting ready to perform,— she said.

Escovedo received support for the cause from Joyce Moore, wife of Sam Moore from the Motown group Sam & Dave, who spent Monday lobbying on the bill.

And the Arizona resident pledged to continue pushing for the legislation after she leaves Washington. “I’m going to annoy my local guys, [Republican Sens.] Jon Kyl and John McCain. They’re going to get annoyed with seeing me,— she said.

The Saga Continues. There’s no end in sight to the controversy over last week’s much-publicized White House “beer summit.— It seems while President Barack Obama might have quelled the uproar over the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates, he’s opened a whole new can of controversy.

Nancy Raynor, director of the Delaware branch of Mothers Against Drunk Driving, suggested in a weekend interview that Obama drafted the wrong message to America’s underaged by hosting the beer-chugging event. “It’s a well-known fact that young people tend to mimic the actions they see of the adults,— she noted.

And that only angered the American Beverage Institute, which issued a swift response in a sternly worded press release. MADD has “been hijacked by this modern day temperance movement,— ABI Managing Director Sarah Longwell said.

Raynor’s “suggestion that Barack Obama, by simply drinking some beer in an effort to defuse what was a very tense situation, would send a message to kids that it’s OK to drink irresponsibly is ludicrous,— she said in an interview.

On Monday, Raynor affirmed that she did think kids would take the sight of Obama drinking as a go-ahead to start experimenting with alcohol. Raynor put the onus on parents to put things into context when “kids see things like that on TV all the time, including unprotected sex and violence of all natures.—

But no need to worry about the resurgence of bathtub bootleggers: Raynor emphasized that MADD is “not a prohibitionist group.—

Maybe Raynor and Longwell just need to sit down and discuss their differences. Provided, of course, they have enough money to split a cab ride home.

A Charitable Wedding Present. There’s now a Congressional angle to that choreographed wedding video that went viral across the Internet last week.

Newlyweds Jill Peterson and Kevin Heinz drew controversy for using a Chris Brown song in their walking-down-the-aisle dance (the singer will formally be sentenced on domestic violence charges this week). In response, they launched a Web site to raise funds for the Sheila Wellstone Institute, an anti-domestic violence group named after the late wife of the late Sen. Paul Wellstone (D-Minn.).

The institute isn’t at all concerned about the scandal — it’s merely happy to receive the support. “We are really excited and honored,— spokeswoman Elana Wolowitz told HOH.

As of Monday afternoon, about $9,000 in donations had been received, Wolowitz said. Part of that will go to help fund the institute’s annual awareness event in Washington, D.C., set to take place in the Rayburn House Office Building in October, Wolowitz noted.

“We could not have been happier,— she said. “We’ve seen contributions pour in from all over the world.—

The backlash directed at the couple is a bit unfair, considering they told officials they choreographed it well before Brown’s arrest, Wolowitz said.

“Our understanding from speaking with the couple is that they didn’t anticipate 14 million people would see it,— she said.

Overheard on the Hill. “Congress on vacation for the month. They’ve earned it! Wait, no, they haven’t.—

— Fashion magazine Marie Claire’s snarky take on the legislative branch in its “Things that make us love August— feature in its latest issue.

Jeremy B. White contributed to this report.

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Correction: Aug. 4, 2009

The article misstated singer Sheila E.’s record at the Grammy Awards. She has been a nominee but has not won the award.

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