Zombies on Capitol Hill
Zombies invaded Capitol Hill today, starting with the Capitol South Metro Station.
Not the normal herds of uniform Hill staffers mindlessly trying to get to one of the House office buildings, no — this was a herd of actual zombies, the walking dead.
As the zombies shuffled past the East Front of the Capitol, Hill staffers looked on, chuckling.
“I wonder if they’re protesting health care,” one staffer said.
“It’s like ‘The Walking Dead’!” said another.
Meanwhile, a group of high-school students visiting Congress posed with the zombies, acting scared when the “walkers” growled.
One of the zombies kept pointing to a copy of the Express with a photo of President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney on the cover, but whether he was promoting the debates or campaigning was unclear.
Never fear, people. As far as HOH has been able to determine, we are not in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. Though it wouldn’t hurt anyone for staffers and tourists to take this possibility a bit more seriously. After all, anything could happen. Nonetheless, this herd of reanimated dead people are actually performers, cleverly advertising an intense haunted house in Rockville, Md. This “haunted house” is actually a warehouse right by the Rockville Metro stop.
According to the organizers, Hallow Inc., the warehouse “is based on Project 4.1, which was the designation for a medical study conducted by the U.S. Government of residents on the Marshall Islands exposed to radioactive fallout from the March 1, 1954 Castle Bravo Accident.”
“This attraction will be a realistic bloody, bio-hazardous warehouse filled with attacking zombies, decaying bodies, vicious military men and much more.”
Even though HOH is going to trust Hallow Inc. that they are not, in fact, actual reanimated dead people, it never hurts to be prepared.