If staffer Bret Manley has learned anything during his time on Capitol Hill, it’s that certain things are inevitable.

Death. Taxes. And having your personal belongings encased in streamers every April 18:

Last year, his office mates trashed his whip, just like in high school comedies of yore. For his 30th birthday, his cubicle got a sobering makeover.

No gifts. No booze. Not even trial packs of Geritol.

“It doesn’t come with anything,” Manley assured HOH when we asked if there were any goodies to go with the public humiliation. “I think they just enjoy torturing me … and propping up the tissue industry.”

These tactical strikes are coordinated by veteran prankster Courtney Carrow, Manley’s ladyfriend who enjoys pushing her man’s buttons from the security of Virginia Republican Rep. Rob Wittman’s office.

The pair plans to celebrate Manley’s third decade of existence on April 27 at Rhodeside Grill in Arlington. Manley will be rocking out that night with Business Time, a cover band that pays tribute to musical greats ranging from legendary bluesman Stevie Ray Vaughn and rasta god Bob Marley to the Flight of the Conchords, the folk-comedy duo that penned its namesake ditty: