As most social media users can attest, virtually everyone and their grandmother here in D.C. is now on the lookout for the Capitol Hill Fox.

 

.@WARojas You know it’s sad when I’m jealous other people are seeing the CHF and I’m not. #firstworldproblems

— Elizabeth (@DCGopGirl) January 14, 2014

Not that pining to see the auburn-colored adventurer necessarily equates to enjoying an audience with the media darling. (Dry those tears, Liz. We know you’ll get your chance one day!)

Of course, there are ways to draw out God’s creatures. In fact, Steve Hofman believes it’s even possible to befriend frequent feral visitors.

The former House staffer didn’t mention having to deal with any wild animals (political or otherwise) during his days working for the GOP leadership. But he struck up a rather interesting acquaintance after moving out west.

“My wife and I had our own pet fox, Junior, who visited our home in Colorado at least twice a day,” the Steamboat Springs resident told HOH.

“Junior,” Hofman explained, was never fully domesticated (continued living in the wild), but did grow quite comfortable with the family.

“He would walk up my driveway with me in getting our morning paper, sit at my feet on our front porch, and take food out of my hand. And, oh yes, entertain all our visitors, particularly those from the East who never saw a fox they didn’t run from,” Hofman said of the rapport they developed over time.

Out of that relationship were borne a few insights Hofman felt compelled to share with those interested in what makes the CHF tick:

• Eggs are irresistible: “You know the story of the fox and the hen house?  All true. Put an uncooked egg on the ground and watch the fox, sharp teeth and all, bound away without cracking the shell,” he said.
• Foxes don’t attack unless they have no way out: “So don’t attempt to corner them,” Hofman warned.
• Foxes look best with their winter coats: “So don’t worry as the weather warms and they look like they haven’t eaten in weeks,” he said of seasonal shedding.
• They party all the time: “Despite all the literature about foxes sleeping during the day and roaming only at night, not so. Junior would come at noon if he wanted company,” Hofman asserted.

Moreover, Hofman expressed confidence that the CHF is, in fact, his old friend, come to see what all the fuss is about.

“I must tell you that Junior left us about two years ago,” he said of their last encounter on Mother’s Day 2012. “So by my calculation, having seen me read Roll Call on my deck, he finally reached his destination.”

Could Junior be masquerading as the CHF?

Hofman proposes a simple test.

“If I’m right, please tell your readers that Junior also loves peanut butter and jelly on hotdog buns,” he quipped.

(You’re welcome, local grocery stores.)