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The Bachelorette and football: Your Hill horoscope

What’s happening around D.C. the week of May 20-26

The rosé will be flowing at Stoney’s “Bachelorette” watch party. (CQ Roll Call)
The rosé will be flowing at Stoney’s “Bachelorette” watch party. (CQ Roll Call)

Baby got Bach. Will our fave former Hill staffer “Luke S.” make it through another strenuous round of highly eligible (and not crazy at all) bachelors vying for the requited love of Hannah Brown on the next episode of ABC’s “The Bachelorette”? Stoney’s on P Street sure hopes so. They’re making bank on all the sparkling rosé they sell at their Monday night watch parties.

#Goals. The rest of the world thinks Americans don’t like soccer, but guess what? We can prove them SO wrong at Audi Field on Tuesday when we ALL show up to the Congressional Soccer Match between our distinguished lawmakers and other high-profile and important professional soccer players (whose names I don’t know ’cause I don’t follow soccer).

Crazy rich author. Kevin Kwan is at the Library of Congress on Wednesday to chat about his book “Crazy Rich Asians” and how it inspired one of the greatest movies of our time, IMO. Haven’t seen the movie yet? They’ll be screening it at 4 p.m. for “research purposes” (for those of you who need an excuse to dip out of work early).

Everything is f*cked, according to Mark Manson, author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” and my personal life coach/therapist. Manson is on tour promoting his latest book (“about hope,” apparently) and will make a stop at the Fillmore Silver Spring on Thursday. Yeah, it’s far, but use the long commute for a little self-reflection.

Find your passion. “Take a Walk” and get “Carried Away” to the Wharf this Saturday to get “Lifted Up” by some electro-trippy-dance tunes from Passion Pit, the “electropop” band that came on to the scene just over a decade ago. Wear neon … I think.

We’re wine-ing about the Whole Foods on H Street. We hear the wine bar is a spot for after work drink meetups, which is genius because then you can’t pull the old “sry cant. have to grocery shop 2nite” excuse (because that’s how people text). Who can confirm our new favorite scoop? Email us!

I saw the sign, but really I just wanted an excuse to reference a ’90s Ace of Base classic. I also do want to know your zodiac signs. Why? I’m not sure yet, but I can’t find that info in LegiStorm so I need you to tell me. Email me:

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